Home > Uncategorized > HILARIOUS! :-) “Ode to the Old Lady in the Mirror” Author Unknown

HILARIOUS! :-) “Ode to the Old Lady in the Mirror” Author Unknown

The “Ode to the Old Lady in the Mirror” hit my email one day a few years ago when I really needed a laugh and make me laugh it did until I had tears in my eyes!  If you enjoy it half as much as I did, you’ll feel so much better after you’ve read it! 🙂

*Ode to the Old Lady in the Mirror*

A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady
has moved into my house.

I have no idea where she came from, or how she got in.
I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one
day she wasn’t there, and the next day, she was.

She is a clever old lady, and manages to keep out of
sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror,
I catch a glimpse of her. And whenever I look in the
mirror to check my appearance, there she is
hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my
gorgeous face and body. This is very rude. I have
tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.

If she insists on hanging around, the least she could
do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every
once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat
pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but
it is not nearly enough.

I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I think she
is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and
withdraw $100, and a few days later it’s all gone. I
certainly don’t spend money THAT fast, so I can only
conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. You’d
think she would spend some of that money to buy
wrinkle cream. She needs it. And money isn’t
the only thing I think she is stealing. Food seems to
disappear at an alarming rate – especially the good
stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. I can’t seem
to keep that stuff in the house anymore. She must
have a real sweet tooth, but she’d better watch it,
because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect
she realizes this, and to make herself feel better,
she is tampering with my scale to make me think I
am putting on weight, too.

For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to
play nasty games, like going into my closets when I’m
not home and altering my clothes so they don’t fit.
And she messes with my files and papers so I can’t find
anything. This is particularly annoying since I am
extremely neat and organized. She also fiddles with my
VCR so it does not record what I have carefully and
correctly programmed.

She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She
gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I
do, and blurs the print so I can’t read it. And she
has done something really sinister to the volume
controls on my TV, radio and telephone. Now, all I
hear are mumbles and whispers.

She has done other things – like make my stairs
steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier and all my knobs
and faucets harder to turn. She even made my bed
higher so that getting into and out of it is a real
challenge. Lately, she has been fooling with my
groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the
lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the
jars. Is this any way to repay my hospitality?

She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes.
When I try something on, she stands in front of the
mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally
ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps
me from seeing how great they look on me.

Just when I thought she couldn’t get any meaner, she
proved me wrong.

She came along when I went to get my picture taken for
my driver’s license, and just as the camera shutter
clicked, she jumped in front of me! No one is going to
believe that the picture of that old lady is me.

– Author unknown

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